Don't put me in a bad box

I have to admit that I laughed at Gene Weingarten's latest column in the Washington Post . As somebody working in public relations maybe I shouldn't be admiting to this, but Gene is right...to a certain extent. His column titled "Don't Call Us, we'll call you...names" is about stupid PR people. Not such an original idea, but it has merit.

Gene talks about the annoying voicemails he deletes from idiotic and clueless PR "pros" everyday, 15 actually. This is because he somehow got onto a media contact list, as a lifestyle reporter, he says. The other day he was asked to update his listing, and this is what he wrote.


Q: What are your beats?

A: My primary responsibility is to savagely attack the quality of retail products and services. I rely on initial cold-call contacts from PR professionals to select which companies I will attempt to bankrupt through unfair reporting techniques leading to shockingly unfounded criticism. For example, I will fail to disclose that the bicycle I panned as "slow, sluggish and difficult to maneuver" was test-driven at the bottom of a swimming pool.

My secondary responsibility mostly involves ripping PR professionals a new one.

Q: What types of stories would be of most interest to you?

A: I have many interests, principal among them is exposing America as a flabby, complacent society addicted to the purchase and consumption of products and services no one really needs, while famine spreads all over the globe. Some examples of this disgusting excess are every single product and service your particular company represents. I would appreciate a list of all your clients.

In addition, I am interested in exposing the unholy alliance between the aforementioned PR industry and the soulless marketing industry, which exists to dehumanize people, categorizing them not by any meaningful demographic relating to their needs or abilities, but by the likelihood they may be cajoled or deceived into making silly, discretionary purchases they cannot afford. Here are some analogies and comparisons I have used in the past to explain my feelings about the evil entity created by the entwinement of the marketing and public relations industries:

"The marketing-PR axis makes the team of Hitler and Mussolini seem benevolent. "

"When a sulfurous, steaming dish of public relations is liberally seasoned with oily globules of marketing, the resulting concoction could nauseate a carrion vulture."

"Marketing professionals are to PR professionals as Erszebet Bathory, the 16th-century noblewoman who killed her servant girls and bathed in their blood, is to the Gaboon viper, a six-foot-long spatulate-headed central African snake with two-inch fangs whose bite causes massive tissue damage, catastrophic internal hemorrhaging, hemorrhagic fever and a slow, shuddering death."

Q: What tips would you give PR professionals who may want to contact you? What is your preferred mention of being contacted?

A: I encourage midnight visits to my home by PR professionals who have no immediate relatives or close friends. Note: Please enter through the basement dungeon room.


I find this hilarious. And this might be bad, I also agree. I think that what the position of a PR person should be to represent the organization, when needed, and to facilitate the media, when needed. Those are the key words. Be familiar and connected with the media and your organization so that when you honestly have a good story you know who to approach and who would be interested. And, also be in the position where the media contact YOU and ask you for information, experts, opinions, angles etc. If you truly work for an interesting and valid organization then respected media WILL want to write stories and you should NEVER have to leave messages like those Gene rants about.

Sorry for all the caps. But, really, who are these people out there putting all PR people in the "bad" box. Just stop.